A Tale Of Two Tylers
by some kind of harmony
Summary: Animal-shaped objects speak to Jaye Tyler. Is she insane? Is there another cause? *NOTE* This story can easily be enjoyed if you've seen Doctor Who but not Wonderfalls.
1. Information Frog

[Disclaimer: I don't own Wonderfalls or Doctor Who-I just like to pretend I do.

A/N: Takes place post-Wonderfalls and mid-Doctor Who series two.]

**_A Tale Of Two Tylers_**

**Chapter One: Information Frog**

Dr. Ron eyed the new specialist for Jaye Tyler's case with more than a little suspicion. The lanky British man had a habit of fidgeting awkwardly that Ron was sure was a sign of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, if not acute schizophrenia. And this doctor's associate seemed entirely too young to be working in the field—she couldn't have been over twenty one. But the doctor's paperwork appeared legitimate, and he insisted on including her in the case. And if Ron was being honest with himself, he could use all the help he could get.

Even this help.

"I like your little monkey," Doctor Smith said, picking up the brass paperweight on Dr. Ron's desk. Jaye Tyler still had _her_ monkey, but the doctor had eventually bought another of the same kind to help him get over his recent fear of the object. Doctor Smith seemed to have no such problem.

"A monkey reading!" he enthused. "It's rather genius. Oh, plus he has brainy specs!"

His companion, the blonde Rose Tyler (and wasn't that uncanny, two Tylers in one case?) smiled as though used to such behavior. She turned to Dr. Ron. "And this is the type of thing that 'speaks' to her? One of the 'animals'?"

He nodded. "There doesn't seem to be a limit on what kinds of things speak—any inanimate animal object."

Doctor Smith held the monkey up at eye level and stared it in the face, as if trying to make it speak to him. Dr. Ron couldn't blame the man—the phenomenon was too odd to understand without an attempt at imagination.

"I think it's alien possession," Ms. Tyler declared, and the doctor smiled.

"Very good!" he enthused as she beamed back at him.

They were both insane. And schizophrenic, certainly.

"Uh, well, if you'll excuse me," Dr. Ron began, itching to get out of his office and away from the crazy people (who clearly forged their credentials), "I'll…I'll just be outside."

"Good plan," Doctor Smith murmured, but Ms. Tyler seemed to object.

"Look, Dr. Ron," she said, "I know it sounds mad, but I promise you we're not nutters. Jaye Tyler needs us, and we need you to trust us."

"I do. I will! I do trust you. Just…not in my office. With my file." Dr. Ron grabbed the folder lying open in front of the pair and made a mad dash for the door.

As the door shut behind him, Rose sighed.

"We just made things a lot harder on ourselves," she said.

"Nah, sounds like he already told us everything he knows. Now, let's get Jaye's address and get going!" He looked around the desk.

"Rose, where's the address?"

"In his file."

"Oh."

_—_

A phone book search and a repositioning of the TARDIS later (a trailer park seemed an appropriate place for the Doctor's mobile home, though he wasn't sure how many here would appreciate that), Rose and the Doctor strode across the High and Dry Trailer Park in search of one Jaye Tyler.

"Er, excuse me," Rose asked an older woman who had just stepped outside of her trailer. The woman was wearing a homey green apron with "Muffin Buffalo" embroidered across the front. Rose liked it better than the "Kiss the Slitheen" ones she had spotted on Raxacoricofallapatorious (no matter how much the Doctor liked "a little shop"), but that wasn't saying much. "Ma'am, can you tell us where Jaye Tyler lives?"

The woman seemed a bit startled, though not unkind. "Sure thing, hon. We don't hear accents like that much around here. Where are you from?"

"London," Rose said.

"Around this time, actually," the Doctor mused.

"You're English? I just love what you people do with breakfast foods! I've been meaning to add a fat-free scone recipe to the Muffin Buffalo cookbook. Oh, where _are_ my manners? I'm Marianne Marie Beattle, but you can just call me Marianne Marie."

The Doctor broke into a grin. "I'm the Doctor, and this is Rose Tyler."

"Rose Tyler—are you a relative of Jaye's?"

"Um…" Rose stammered. "Yeah. On her mum's side. We're cousins. We, uh, haven't seen each other since we were small."

"Oh, that's just wonderful! I love when my family comes to visit. Why just last…" then Marianne Marie paused, as if puzzled. "Sorry doll, did you say you were on her mother's side?"

"Yeah."

"But _your _last name is Tyler."

"Haha, yeah. Um, that's kind of a coincidence."

"Funny story, actually," the Doctor jumped in, trying to save Rose's disguise. "You see, there was a bit of a mix-up with the birth certificates…er, that's most of the story. Right. So, not to be rude, but do you know where Jaye lives?"

Marianne Marie smiled at the friendly (if slightly odd) man who was clearly not Rose's sibling of any kind. Maybe he was her beau, though he did seem quite a bit older. But she wasn't sure how things were done in England, anyway. "Like I said, sure thing." She pointed at Jaye's blue and silver trailer, remarked that it was nice to meet them, and called out to their retreating forms that they should be sure to try Muffin Buffalo muffins while they were in the country (not that they needed, of course, to lose any weight).

_—_

Less than a minute later Jaye Tyler heard a knock at her door. The pair (a skinny man with weird hair and an over-mascaraed girl) introduced themselves as the Doctor and Rose Tyler. Jaye didn't know what to think.

"Oh God," she said, suddenly getting it. "You're not related to me, are you?" she asked Rose. "I didn't think I had any European relatives, except for Uncle Jerry, and we don't speak to him anymore."

Rose smiled gently. "No, we're not related."

The Doctor chimed in. "We're here to help you with your…well, I don't want to call it a condition, and problem just sounds a bit rude, and…"

"You're from the government, aren't you?" Jaye balked. "I knew this day would come. I don't have to let you into my trailer. You can't make me talk, you can't—"

Suddenly a small glass frog piped up from her dresser. "Talk," it ribbited for the third time that day.

"I am talking!" she hissed. "To…you," she continued to the Doctor and the girl who was thankfully not her relative. "I'm _talking_, and I'm asking who you work for!"

The Doctor tried to put a hand on Jaye's shoulder, but she pulled away. "Jaye, we're here to help you. We're not from the government, or Torchwood, or some corporation. We're…we're like freelancers."

Jaye's eyes grew shifty. "Are you going to charge me? What's in it for you?"

The Doctor shrugged. "Oh, nothing really, we just like to help. You see, we think you might—"

"You might want to be sitting down for this, actually," Rose piped up, remembering Dr. Ron's reaction. "Can we come in?"

Jaye eyed the pair. A month ago she would have shut the door on these peoples' faces, but the talking animals and interactions with Eric had made her, loathe as she was to admit it, kind of nice. Almost helpful. Which is the only possible explanation why Jaye Tyler let Rose and the Doctor into her trailer-and changed her life forever.

* * *

This is my very first multi-chapter fic (though hopefully not my last!) so comments + critiques would be especially welcome! : )


	2. Things Get Odder

**Chapter Two: ****Things Get Odder**

Jaye Tyler stared at the Doctor and Rose, both of whom were leaning against her kitchen sink. Jaye might have had some weird people in her trailer before, but these clearly topped the list.

And she wasn't even counting the fact that they were British.

"Alien possession," she said doubtfully. "You think I'm _possessed_ by an _alien_? Really?"

The pair nodded, waiting cautiously for her response.

"I knew it! Well, it was either that or the devil, and I was really hoping it wasn't the devil. Wait, the devil isn't an alien, is he? Oh God, I'm possessed by the alien devil!"

"Oh no…the devil isn't on this planet."

Jaye breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well, not _physically..._"

"You're not possessed by the devil, Jaye."

"Whatever it is, do you think you can kill it?"

The Doctor nearly growled at her. "No! We can get it out of you, but there will be no killing!"

He seemed oblivious to the silence in the room, adding belatedly, "unless it's evil."

"Oh, it's evil all right. It keeps telling me to _do_ things, but they're hard to understand, and I think it's working up to something big."

"Something big?"

"Yeah…It told me to talk to you."

The Doctor's eyes snapped to Jaye's. "It told you about us? Before we came? That's premonition. Or it's been spying on us."

"Well, it's been telling me to talk for a day and a half now." She pointed accusingly. "The frog said it."

The Doctor bounced over to her dresses and picked up the figurine. He pulled something metal out of his pocket and waved it around. The blue light and whirring noise it created seemed distinctly extraterrestrial.

"It's a perfectly normal statue," the Doctor wondered. "No residual energy. Which means," he said, turning to Jaye, "the problem lies with you."

"Doctor?" Rose cautioned.

"Right, right, not problem. Condition! No…"

"So what do you do to make me normal again? Because, just so you know, exorcism doesn't work."

"Ah, no, it's nothing too complex. I'll just go into your mind to see what species of alien is influencing your thoughts, we'll find some simple process to get it out, and we'll be on our way. Easy as cake; nothing can possibly go wrong!"

Jaye just stared at the Doctor. "You want to go into my mind?"

_—_

Sharon Tyler was nearing the end of a very long day. There was an event in the building next to her firm, so naturally every idiot with a car had parked illegally in the firm's parking lot. Sharon was forced to park around the corner, had arrived late to the office, and her day had just gone downhill from there. Miles of paperwork and another passive-aggressive phone call from Beth (they were on the outs again) had left her highly pissed off with the world. Mostly she wanted to be asleep in bed, but clearly this wasn't an option.

"Aaron?" she shouted into her cell phone. "You owe big on that traffic ticket, what were you _thinking_ skipping town? Where are you—are you in Canada? I'd expect this behavior from Jaye, but what is your problem? And—"

The message machine beep cut her off, and the only shard of sanity left kept her from smashing her phone into a wall.

Of course, what happened next made the phone shatter into a thousand pieces, but at least it wasn't intended.

There was a humming sound, and then, straight out of the Star Trek reruns she used to watch when she was eight and home with the flu, a man materialized in her office.

Sharon, who had just begun self-defense classes at the Y, reacted on instinct and threw her phone at the intruder. It missed by a few feet and crashed through the window, falling to the ground with a fatal crash. All of this went on unnoticed by the man as he rearranged his clothes twice, fixed his hair once, and finally turned to face her.

"Alien technology," he declared. "Great for teleportation, bad for hairdos." He offered his hand to Sharon with a dazzling smile. "Captain Jack Harkness. Torchwood. And you are?"

Sharon stared at the hand, then at the man, then back at his hand.

Jack realized she was going to need a minute. "You don't have a mirror, do you?"

Sharon fumbled through her purse for a small silver compact and handed it to the man. He checked his hair, and, finding it to his satisfaction, handed it back to her.

"So…hi," he said in a tone Sharon instantly recognized.

"I'm not interested." She didn't know how "Captain" Harkness got in here, but she knew shameless flirting when she saw it.

Harkness looked concerned. "Is everything okay? How are you feeling?"

Sharon sputtered. This was so typical. _This_ was why she didn't like men. "Fine! I'm feeling fine! A girl doesn't have to have a fever not to like you!"

"Of course," Harkness agreed. "It's just that, well, she usually does. Anyway, much as I like executive types _(and I do),_ you're not really why I'm here."

"Oh?" she muttered sarcastically.

"I was wondering if you've heard of a man called 'The Doctor'?"

* * *

Sorry this chapter was so short! The next one's a whole lot longer, though!

Feedback and critiques make my day, fyi. : )


	3. And Harkness Makes Three

**Chapter Three: And Harkness Makes Three**

After a normal day Jaye needed a few drinks at The Barrel. Today, after learning that the talking animals she heard were a result of aliens possessing her brain, she figured she could take just about everything they had. The Doctor had offered Jaye a few hours to regroup before they took action, and she planned to make the very most of that time by getting very, very drunk.

"Hit me with something," she ordered the bartender. Eric gave her a kiss.

"Something _alcoholic_," she clarified. Grinning, he readily complied.

"Long day?" Eric asked as he mixed her drink.

Jaye sighed. "Yeah. These two British…relatives of mine are visiting. They want to know stuff about me."

"You have relatives?" Mahandra asked, sidling up to the bar. "I thought your family basically got emancipated from them after that Jerry guy embarrassed your parents at your second cousin's wedding."

"Not just my parents," Jaye reminisced happily. "I don't think Sharon will ever eat spaghetti again."

"Are you going to tell your family that these two are here?" Mahandra asked.

"I don't think so. My life is insane enough as it is."

"Can we meet them?" Eric asked "Where are they, anyway?"

_—_

Rose stared out at the gigantic waterfall, the water colored greens and purples by artificial lights. "It's beautiful."

"Niagara Falls. It's the most powerful waterfall in North America. There's more than a hundred thousand cubic meters of water pouring over that edge every minute."

"I think I'd forgotten how pretty Earth could be," Rose admitted, "spending all that time out in space." She listened to the thunder of rushing water and smiled. "I like it here. Not that I don't like the other planets, or the danger. I love those. I just…I just really love—" She stopped and turned, curious, as she made out the sound of running feet over the noise of the falls. "Jack!"

"You just really love _Jack?_" the Doctor questioned, staring at the water. "What does—" he turned around and suddenly understood. "Jack," he stated evenly.

Rose's reaction was a bit different. "I thought you were dead!" she cried, already scooped up in a hug.

"Are you kidding? An army of Daleks couldn't stop me." He was smiling, too. The Doctor coughed surreptitiously, and Jack put Rose down.

"It's okay Doctor, you don't have to be jealous." He swept the Doctor into a hug as well. "New look for you," he observed as he let go of the Doctor. "I like the change."

The smile never left Rose's face. "I want to know everything. Where you've been, what you've done—"

"How in the universe did you find us now?"

"Well, it wasn't all me," Jack answered. "You lent a hand."

"How did I help?"

"No. You lent a hand. Literally. Remember Christmas Day?"

"No!" Rose said, finally getting it.

"You have my hand?"

"You weren't using it. It let me know you were in the decade again, and I teleported here. But I assume this isn't a stop home."

"We think a local is possessed by aliens."

"I can do possessions! It'll be nice to get a break from all the Weevils." Off Rose and the Doctor's glances, he explained. "I joined Torchwood. _After_ the Sycorax shooting; I heard you weren't too happy about that."

"So you teleported here," Rose questioned. "But how did you find us?"

"Coincidence, I guess," Jack shrugged. "I did run into a local first. Teleported right into her office—a Sharon Tyler."

Rose and the Doctor stared at him.

"What?"

_—_

"Jaye," Sharon muttered, storming into The Barrel. She spotted her sister (not surprisingly) by the bar, and, smiling at Jaye's little friends with as much politeness as she could muster, yanked her sister away. She had no real idea if Jaye had anything to do with the weirdo in her office, but Aaron wasn't around and she was not about to bring this up to her parents. Plus, it wouldn't surprise her if Jaye knew a thing or two about breaking and entering, what with her enchanting criminal record.

"Jaye, do you know why some strange man 'teleported' into my office today?"

Jaye immediately looked suspicious. "What do you mean?"

"Has anyone just appeared around you recently—"

"No."

"And flirted with you—"

"No!"

"And talked about 'Alien technology?'"

"Oh. Uh, no. Definitely not…Maybe?"

"Jaye, where do you_find_ these weirdos? Are they attracted to you somehow? Jaye, have you been abusing the internet?"

"No!" Instinct told Jaye to keep her mouth closed, because this stuff was weirder than Sharon could handle. Problem was, it was weirder than she could handle, too, and, well, she was curious. "Which one flirted?" she asked.

"Them? There are more?"

Jaye groaned. "Oh God. I'm so screwed up that they had to call in reinforcements."

"You're not screwed up," Sharon said mock-comfortingly. "Beyond your immaturity, your inability to start a career, and your criminal record, you're completely normal."

Jaye made a small, pained sound.

"Look, you got a life coach. That's not that bad; I talk to mine all the time. Although," she said, "I have _one,_ and he doesn't think he's an alien…" She leaned in, whispering. "Why do they think they're aliens?"

"They…do magic. They don't really think they're aliens. Oh, and I told my friends they're relatives."

Sharon was nodding doubtfully.

"Wait—you have a life coach?"

_—_

The next day after Jaye finished her shift at Wonderfalls, she returned to her trailer and Jack, Rose and the Doctor set to work.

"This will be painless," the Doctor reassured her as he put a hand on each of her temples.

"How do I know I won't wake up catatonic three years from now?"

"He's not going to change anything," Rose reassured her.

"I've done this hundreds of times."

"He's just looking around."

"Close your eyes," the Doctor ordered, and closed his own. Within seconds Jaye's body slumped in her chair, as if she wanted to fall backwards.

"Well," Jack asked. "What now?"

The Doctor shushed him. "I'm trying to find the connection the aliens have in her brain. They're in there, that's why Jaye lost consciousness, but every time I get close they slip further into her memory."

"That doesn't sound good," Rose worried.

"I just have to be fast enough to catch one and pull it forward." He startled. "There! Easy enough." He opened his eyes.

"Doctor? I don't see any aliens." Jack asked.

The Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver and waved it around. The blue light pulsed in time with a rapid beeping the device emitted. "Oh, they're here all right."

"What about Jaye?" Rose asked. "Are they out of her brain now?"

The Doctor paused, wondering how to explain. "Not permanently. I can't force the aliens from her, not at the risk of hurting Jaye. Right now they're still anchored in her mind, but the messages they send can exist in ours—I just increased their projection range exponentially. None of which explains why we can't see them."

"We are here," a chorus of voices answered from all around the room. Jack pulled out his gun and, standing, whirled around the trailer. Every single stuffed, bronze, wax and plastic animal with a mouth was speaking to them. Hundreds of artificial eyes were trained on their faces.

"I can see why she doesn't like this," Rose confided.

"Who are you?" asked the Doctor.

"We are here," they repeated.

"Who? Who is here?" he was shouting now.

"You need to leave this body!"

"Who _are_ you?"

"We are the Mineites."

"No…" Jack murmured.

"What's going on?" Rose asked. "What's a Mineite?"

"We are here," the animals chanted. "We are here to stay."


	4. The Animals Have Eyes

**Chapter Four: The Animals Have Eyes**

"Doctor? Jack? What's a Mineite?" Rose asked for the second time. The first time neither Jack nor the Doctor had answered. The pair still seemed in shock over what the animals had just revealed. "Anyone?" Rose asked.

Jack turned to her, keeping his pistol cocked at a little wax lion. "The Mineites are aliens from the future—brand new in the 51st Century. They don't belong in this time; they shouldn't be here."

"You would know a thing or two about that Jack, wouldn't you?" the Doctor asked.

"What are you trying to say, Doctor?"

"We'll deal with it later."

"We are here," the now-animate animal objects chanted again.

"Yeah, okay," Jack agreed.

"Jack's right, though," the Doctor said to the creatures. "You shouldn't be here." He explained to Rose. "The Mineites are a peaceful race from the future, _very_ clever, and who usually _keep to themselves_." This last part was directed to the animals. "What are you doing here, and why are you using Jaye?"

"What time are you from?" Jack asked.

"We are here," they chanted.

"Okay, this is getting annoying," Jack said.

"They're peaceful, Doctor?"

He nodded. "Usually."

Rose kneeled down until she was eye-level with the wax lion. She touched the creature's concave cheek. "Your face is broken," she murmured. "Are you hurt?"

"Our existence is transitory." This answer came from a bespectacled brass monkey just like Dr. Ron's paperweight. It was sitting across the room, stroking its chin thoughtfully. "Our form cannot pain us…This situation does have its advantages."

"You wanted immortality," the Doctor said angrily. The monkey did not answer.

"Please," Rose begged. "Please talk to us—we're trying to help."

"Drop the gun," a boxed ladybug squeaked to Jack.

"You can't be hurt!" Jack cried.

"Drop the gun."

"Jack, please," Rose asked, and Jack reluctantly obeyed.

The Doctor dropped down next to Rose, addressing the lion, ladybug and monkey at once. "I think you'd better tell me how you got here."

The ladybug seemed to sigh, as if wooden ladybugs could sigh. "Just like you, Doctor—we came across the stars. We were curious; we used the water to pull us backwards in time. That's why we ended up here—the falls pulled us in."

"In my time you weren't possessing women," Jack said.

The brass monkey spoke up. "In your time we had bodies of our own. We underestimated the energy exchange, and arrived not in physical form but as mental fragments—we became part of time."

"Oh, but that's brilliant!" the Doctor exclaimed. "Preliminary time travel, in its simplest form, using a unilateral energy constant. You all are _very_ clever. Which doesn't mean," he said, face darkening, "that you can stay in Jaye's mind."

"She was lost!" the ladybug cried. "Lost like we were!"

"You give her orders, though," Rose wondered. "Even if you needed somewhere to live, why do that?"

"We lost much on our journey," the monkey said, "but we grabbed hold of what we could. We can sense timelines now, and can sometimes play with coincidence. We led Jack to meet you; we made Jaye talk to you."

"Why?" asked Rose.

"We were naive— left unattended our race will make the mistake again. The Doctor can use his machine to go back and warn against such travel."

"I can," the Doctor agreed, pulling out his sonic screwdriver. "But only if you leave Jaye."

"We are helpful!" the ladybug cried. "We make people happy!"

"How about Jaye?" Jack challenged. "She didn't seem too happy to have invading her mind."

The monkey stroked his chin. "Jaye is… a challenge. We like challenges. And we do not harm her," he said, anticipating the Doctor's question. "This is the only possible existence left for us. We will die when she does."

"Well…" the Doctor mused.

"They're innocents, Doctor," Rose begged. "You can see that."

"But they're too powerful. They can control people's actions, change their future timelines through coincidence. Even in one human lifetime, think of the damage they could inflict. They shouldn't exist—they're _wrong_."

"Alright Doctor, I'm more than just a very pretty face," Jack said. The angry glare he had assumed for the aliens was now trained on the Doctor. "This isn't just about the Mineites."

"No," the Doctor agreed. He watched as the monkey began to read his little brass book. "It's not."

"You just don't like anyone who has power like the Timelords."

The Doctor stood and turned to Jack. "The Timelords were the only race meant to have this power! Besides, did I mind your technology in World War Two, or on Satellite Five?"

"You were a different man then. You know, I think I just found a change in you that I don't like."

"I'm not the one who joined Torchwood," the Doctor fumed.

"See? You can't stand the idea of anyone else with power!"

"Remember the Time War? I've seen what happened to people with too much power! Do you want to die?"

"I already have!"

"Doctor!" Rose said. "Jack! I think the Mineites are gone."

The Doctor glanced at the motionless animals. He waved the screwdriver around and listened to its slow, regular beeping. "Not for good. They're still in Jaye's mind." He turned to Jack. "If you hadn't distracted me—"

"Am I cured? Are they gone?" A newly awakened Jaye asked. She looked around suspiciously. "I don't see any dead aliens."

The Doctor left the domestics to Rose.

"Er, they sort of…got away from us," she responded desperately.

"Patch it up!" a parrot pendant squawked from its hanging place over the sink. Jaye groaned.

"I have aliens in my brain. Permanently. God." She leaned in to tell Rose, "the parrot just talked."

"I know." Rose responded. "I saw it."

"You…really? How?"

Rose pulled the sonic screwdriver from the Doctor's jacket pocket. She waved it around and listened.

"There's still some…um…oh, some residual energy in the air. From the last time we talked to the Mineites—they're the aliens. They're really clever, if that's any help, and I'm sure they wouldn't use that energy to talk to both of us unless they had a good reason." She glanced at the Doctor and Jack, who were glowering at each other. "And I think I know what it is."

"I don't have to do anything? Oh, good. Because I need to go deal with the fact that I will never hear silence again." She stalked to her bedroom and shut the door.

Sighing, Rose turned to the two men. She knew her assignment, but she wasn't even sure she could carry it out.

Solving everyone's problems, one at a time, and sometimes doing it without knowledge of the Mineites' whole plans—Jaye really must be some kind of saint.

* * *

Again, much longer chapter next time! (It will include one intoxicated Timelord, lots of Eric, and many, many inanimate animal objects.)

Comments/critiques? Is anyone reading this?

: )


	5. Prescription

Chapter Five: **Prescription**

With a furious Timelord and a livid Ex-Time Agent on her hands, Rose Tyler was in an intergalactically unique and universally troubling situation. The pair refused to speak to each other, Jaye was still possessed, and Rose was beginning to wonder if coming to Niagara Falls had been a good idea for anyone.

Desperate and fairly miserable, Rose led the two men to the only place she could think of—the nearest pub, and straight to the bar.

The Barrel's bartender smiled at the trio. "You're not regulars," he remarked.

"Not really, no," Rose answered tiredly. "We're just seeing the falls. They're lovely, by the way."

"I always thought so, too. Hey, are you Jaye's relatives?"

The Doctor looked up. "How'd you know?"

"She said she had British relatives in town, and your accents are pretty telling. It's nice to meet you; I'm Eric."

He received three blank stares.

"She didn't mention me?"

Rose smiled faintly at the boy without understanding; he looked disappointed. "Sorry, Eric."

"Oh. I guess it's not really important, anyway..."

"You're her boyfriend," Jack stated.

"Yeah. Did she mention a boyfriend?"

"No, but I've seen that expression before. Hell, I've made that expression before. But she probably would have brought you up if we'd given her half the chance—you're too cute not to mention."

"Um, thanks…what can I get you three? You're Jaye's guests; whatever you want is on the house."

The trio placed their orders and Jack sent him a dazzling (if slightly unnerving) smile.

"So, why visit now?" Eric asked.

"Ah, it seemed like a good idea," the Doctor responded. He sniffed and nodded at Jack. "Until he managed to hunt us down."

"Trust me, if I had known how excited you'd be, I wouldn't have made the effort."

"Guys, just…um, how are the drinks coming?" Rose whispered.

"Nearly done," he whispered back. He quickly served an imported Canadian microbrew, three vodka shots and a banana daiquiri. They drank in uncomfortable silence.

"So…is this a long visit or a short one?"

"Longer than expected," the Doctor answered.

"We thought we'd be able to help Jaye with some, um, family issues," Rose explained.

"Didn't go so well," Jack added.

"Sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do?"

"Boy, do I wish there was, but I don't think so," Jack answered, bringing the silence back. The Doctor finished his daiquiri and Eric made him another. And another.

"You know," the Doctor said on his fourth daiquiri, "It's really a very _ethical_ dilemma. Do we evict the aliens, and_ kill_ them, or keep them, which is a _bad idea? _And speaking of killing, can I kill Jack at _any_ point? Prettyplease?"

"You can try," Jack snorted.

"Aliens?" Eric asked, more amused than anything else. It was hard to take the man too seriously when he was wrapping his tie around his forehead as he expounded on ethics and aliens. "Jaye has aliens?"

"And she can't keep them," he explained. "Completely illegal, could get them _all_ arrested. Shadow Proclamation doesn't allow it. Not that they could tell, or anything, but…on _principle_. Aaaaand she would have to share. Jaye doesn't seem like a _sharing_ person—no offense," he added to Eric. "She's very nice. Not a share-er. You're a share-er, Jack…but you're not so nice."

As Jack struggled to form a retort, Eric turned to Rose. "Shadow Proclamation…is that British slang for Canadian law?"

"Huh?"

"It's just, Jaye has harbored aliens a few times before. She isn't in danger, is she?"

"Huh?"

"There was this Russian woman, a mail-order bride, just for a few days, and her family's housekeeper was living off an expired visa…"

"Oh, no, not that kind of a…she had a mail order bride?"

"Long story," he said with a small smile.

"Okay. No, Jaye won't get in trouble for keeping the aliens, I don't think. It's just, well, like the Doctor said, they aren't making her happy. They've…um, overstayed their welcome."

"She can't send them back?"

"Definitely not."

"And they can't stay with someone else?"

"Not really."

"And they just keep _talking_ to her, _all_ the time. She wants silence. I don't want silence, except from _him_, but I've had_ plenty_ of silence, and it's verrrrry boring. But she needs a break. Who doesn't need a break? Oh…oh! That's not a bad—" The Doctor fell off his barstool.

"Lightweight," Jack snickered.

Eric stared at the line of empty daiquiri glasses. "Really?"

"It sounded like he had an idea, though," Rose said.

"Probably not a very good one," Jack said.

"Jack, look. You have to give the Doctor a chance."

Eric, observing a change in the conversation, moved away to chat with another customer.

"Oh yeah? He didn't give me much of one."

"You didn't give him time to adjust! He thought you were dead."

"Yeah, and he didn't seem too heartbroken about that."

"Jack…something happened back on Satellite Five. More than he's telling me, I think. I've asked; he just goes kind of silent. Maybe his anger isn't even about you."

"Huh."

"Either way, you two fighting doesn't solve our alien problem. Whatever the Doctor's solution was, at least it was a solution. So can you try to cooperate with him?"

"But…but he insulted Torchwood!"

"Please, Jack—for Jaye?"

"For Jaye's sake…_fine_. I'll compromise."

"Thanks." Rose got off her stool and gave him a hug.

"There was some serious UST in his glares, too," Jack added. He seemed a lot happier. "I'll have to ask him about that…Rose?"

"I'm fine. It's just, something you said struck a nerve. Cooperation...a break…compromise…Oh! Oh, that_ isn't_ a bad idea! That could work!"

Anxious to leave, she glanced at the Timelord on the floor. "I should go tell Jaye—Jack, can you get the Doctor back to the TARDIS? I know it might be a bit of a hassle, but I don't really think he weighs—"

"Trust me, after you've tried to drag Ernest Hemingway back to his room after he's finished for the night—not that he ever actually finished—you learn not to complain."

"Good, because I might need another favor. I need to borrow the Doctor's sonic screwdriver for a bit, and I'd really prefer he didn't wake up and find it gone. Think you can find some way to distract him until I get back?"

"I'm not complaining," he said with a smile.

_—_

"I don't think I like the sound of this," Jaye said. She had just woken up from a self-pity nap, and she was frustrated and tired and sick of trying to change her life when she was apparently doomed to take orders from the animals for the rest of her days.

Rose, on the other hand, had perked up considerably. "The Mineites are trying to help!" she enthused. "If we can just get them to listen, I think we can come to a deal that'll make things better for everyone."

"Yeah, they never really listen so much as give really cryptic orders. It's like their M.O."

"Jaye, they want a favor from The Doctor—maybe you can make them pay attention now."

"Hm…Well, if it doesn't work, I can go back to torture? Because I'm still holding out hope for that option."

Rose tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and wondered just who she was dealing with. "Er," she said, "we'll see."

_—_

Jack was waiting when the Doctor awoke back in the TARDIS. "Drink this," he said, holding out a mug full of frothy, pink liquid.

The Doctor groggily complied, but gagged the second the concoction hit his tongue. He stuck out the offended appendage in disgust. "Ugh, Jack, what did you putinthis? If you're trying to torture me…well, I'm actually impressed."

Jack laughed. "It's a remedy I picked up a ways back. You know, all of history, and the best recipe comes from Morocco in the 1730s."

"They didn't have refrigerators back then," the Doctor observed.

"Right…"

"Jack, how is this drink _cold_?"

"Try not to think about it," Jack said, and the Doctor attempted (unsuccessfully) to take another grudging sip. "Tastes foul, I know, but it'll cure your hangover right away."

"Jack?"

"Yeah."

"I'm a _Timelord_. _Two hearts._ My metabolism is a lot faster than yours—I don't get hangovers."

"Oh," Jack said. Then he cringed. "Yeah, I wouldn't drink the rest of that then."

The Doctor glared at the man sitting across from him.

"Oops?"

_—_

The scene was all too familiar to Jaye as she piled every animal in her trailer onto her bed. (It was the only surface in her trailer big enough to hold all of them.) The last time she had done this was on a mistip from the animals, and interrogating them had been part of a desperate attempt to get rid of Heidi before she murdered Eric in cold blood, which of course (unfortunately) hadn't been Heidi's intention at all.

Yeah, that had gone just great.

Rose waved the sonic screwdriver around much as she had before, and breathed a small sigh of relief. "There should still be enough residual energy left," she reported, and Jaye grinned.

On the other hand, the last time this had happened she hadn't had another Tyler around.

"Right" Jaye said, and took a step backwards.

"All right, freaky alien things," she addressed the animals.

"Jaye…" Rose began, but the girl waved Rose's caution away with a spare hand.

"…freaky demonic aliens, _if_ _that's what you are_, the girl here says you can still talk to her. I want to see it. Or I want her to see it, whatever. Point is, we all need to have a little chat." She pulled a desk lamp out and pointed the spotlight on her bed. "Who wants to start?"

"What she means is, we'd like to talk to you about getting the message back to your people. We can help, but we have some conditions."

The little wax lion cocked his head doubtfully. "Hm," he said.

Jaye turned to Rose, and Rose nodded.

"Good. Now I've put up with all of you in my head for way too long. I've let you give me orders, willingly done your bidding—"

The wax lion snorted.

"Shut up. I've done your bidding, mostly, and it's about time you answered to mine."

The lion didn't answer.

"Answer!"

"Jaye…look, you need some sort of compromise."

Jaye turned to Rose. "Like what?"

"Like, we'll agree to take their message back, but only if they give you a break."

Jaye looked at the animals suspiciously. "But they can't get me to do their bidding if they leave. I don't think they'll just go if there's no one around to do their bidding. Could we get someone else to do their bidding?"

Rose waited.

"I have to do their bidding," Jaye groaned.

"I'm not sure they _can_ possess someone else."

"Of course not, because I'm the one who 'listens.'"

"What?"

"That's what they—that's what you guys said, right? Because I listen? Not because, I don't know, you want me to follow your _evil alien orders_ or anything."

"Well, they're not really evil—"

"Yeah? Because they come from _outer space_, they set up shop in my brain, and then use me for _evil. _How would you like to be possessed by aliens?"

"Jaye! I _have_ been possessed; I know it's not fun. But the Mineites chose you, and now they can either exist in your brain or die, because they don't even have real bodies anymore. I'm sorry you have to deal with them, but they aren't evil, and they deserve to live!"

Jaye looked at the blonde girl. She swept some of the animal objects aside and, ignoring a few disgruntled animal sounds, sat on her bed.

"They're not evil?" she asked.

Rose smiled a little and sat down next to her. "They're actually trying to help, in their own way…Look, the Mineites can sense timelines we could never predict—when they give you orders, it's because they can see that things will end badly unless they act."

"And I can't kill them."

_"No."_

Jaye closed her eyes.

"But you can compromise."

Jaye nodded, slowly. "And what's my other option?"

_—_

"So you aren't trying to torture me?" The Doctor asked.

"Nah," Jack replied, dumping the hangover concoction down the drain. The TARDIS let out a small, irked sound at the puce liquid flowing through its sewage. The Doctor nodded.

"I have to give it to the TARDIS, she has good taste."

"Hey, if she had a hangover you'd be thanking me right now…This was supposed to be nice."

"That was a semi-toxic olive branch?"

"Sure. Except the semi-toxic part."

The Doctor stood and started messing with things on the console. It looked suspiciously like fidgeting to Jack.

"Where did all this goodwill come from, anyway?" the Doctor asked. "Should I be worried?"

"Well, after you couldn't handle your banana daiquiris, Rose and I had a talk."

The Doctor fiddled with the controls, waiting for Jack to explain.

"Look, it's okay, Doctor, everyone knows that your anger towards me only comes from our long-denied attraction to each other."

"Uh-huh."

"And I now know that my death sent you spiraling into a deep state of depression, and now you're just scared of losing me again. And, it's okay, you know, you shouldn't be ashamed of what Rose heard, everyone has _those _dreams now and then…"

The Doctor finally looked up. _"Jack,"_ he said. "That's not what this is about."

Jack's grin swept away effortlessly, his eyes wide and waiting. The Doctor sighed.

"It's about immortality."

_—_

After giving Jaye a few more seconds to mope, Rose stood and tapped the girl's shoulder. "Come on," she said.

"I'm not going to play the good cop," Jaye said.

"Okay."

Jaye stood, too, and leaned against the doorway to her bedroom. Rose picked up the animals Jaye had tossed off the bed and apologized softly before she put them back on the pink duvet. Once more, she nodded to Jaye.

"Um, less freaky…alien…things," Jaye tried, and Rose rolled her eyes.

"Mineites."

"Right. Those…Ugh, I think I'm compromising."

The brass monkey stroked his chin. "Most promising."

"You could sound a little less sarcastic," Jaye said. "That doctor guy could probably go into my mind and evict all of you right now, you know."

"And," Rose added, turning on the sonic screwdriver, "we have this."

"Ooh, and we_ totally_ have that."

The boxed ladybug fluttered her wings. "Please don't!" she piped.

"Patch it up!" cawed the parrot.

"We meant no harm!"

"And you?" Jaye said, turning to the wax lion. "What do you have to say?"

The wax lion shrugged.

"No quips? No orders? No nagging, obnoxious songs?"

"Hmm," the lion said, and it opened its mouth wide like it wanted to launch into a new round of "My Darling Clementine."

"I don't think that would be a good idea," Rose said quietly. The lion shut its mouth. "Now. You have a problem, we have a solution._ And _we're willing to compromise. Which means, as the Doctor figured out, giving Jaye a break from the orders."

Rose turned to look at Jaye, who was staring at her like she just discovered a way to grow money on trees.

"They can do that?" Jaye asked.

"Yeah, the Doctor seems to think so. All we need is your agreement," she said to the animals, "which seems pretty fair to me, considering she's keeping your species alive. You just need to think of a phrase, Jaye. Something you'll remember."

"A word of advice?" The wax lion offered.

Jaye grinned.

_—_

"Oh, please. You don't even have to face your exes! Not with the same face, anyway—or you can just hop in the TARDIS and go. You have _no_ idea what it's like to be immortal."

"You know, there's an easy way to solve that problem," the Doctor said. He sat down on the plush seat across from where Jack was standing and propped his feet against the console. "Stop dating."

Jack's laugh rang through the TARDIS. "Not on one of your lives. Sex is the one thing that never grows old. Besides me, of course."

"Oh, you'll grow old, Jack, eventually. Everything does."

"Will I die?"

"I'm not sure," the Doctor said. He didn't sound angry, but his face pinched a little in concern. "Do you want to?"

Jack shrugged. "Someday, sure. Definitely. But I've jumped off enough cliffs to know that's not going to happen anytime soon, no matter what I want. Doctor, why am I still alive?"

"Satellite Five," the Doctor murmured.

"I was there."

"So was Rose. Even after I sent her home, she was there. She came back. I should have _known."_

"Sending her home was the right choice—you were protecting her."

The Doctor laughed, harshly. "Yeah." He leapt up, and leaned on the console next to Jack. "I sent her home in the TARDIS. Simple. Only she managed to rip the ship open and stare into the heart of it, straight into the time vortex."

The Doctor stared at one of the control panels, as if he had ripped it open and absorbed the vortex himself. As if he couldn't look away.

"Then she came back, _dissolved _the Daleks, made you immortal, and fainted…I might've kissed her sometime in there, too."

_"Rose."_

"I let her stare into the time vortex," the Doctor practically growled. "Another Timelord, back when there were other Timelords…The Master, he stared into time vortex, and it drove him mad. He murdered thousands in cold blood."

Jack's eyes widened in fear. "Does Rose seem any different?"

The Doctor laughed harshly again, and Jack shivered.

"Of course not. I absorbed the vortex back and I regenerated. Rose doesn't remember a thing."

Jack waited, but the Doctor seemed to have finished. "…I don't see the problem," Jack said.

"She could have gone mad! The whole of time and space, dancing in front of her eyes? I could take the power out of her, but I never could've cured insanity. If she'd gone crazy, if I had let the one person who…she can't know, Jack. She'd never trust me again."

"I'm not too sure about that, Doctor; Rose just might surprise you. You said it yourself, she absorbed the time vortex—how many humans could do that? It might have driven someone else crazy, but not Rose. She's _fine._ She didn't turn into, um, The Mistress, or anything."

The Doctor glared at Jack. "The _Mistress?"_

Jack shrugged. "I'm just saying."

"The _Mistress?"_

"She's fine!"

The Doctor nodded proudly. "She is. But if you mention this to Rose I'll have to kill you."

Jack pouted at the Doctor.

"This really doesn't work as a threat anymore, does it?"

"Nah. But you don't have to worry about me, Doctor."

"Hmm," the Doctor said. "Maybe you're right."

* * *

Only an epilogue left, and we're done! : )


	6. Epilogue

[A/N: Alright guys, here it is. I hope you liked the story!]

_**Epilogue**_

Knowing the Mineites controlled coincidence, the Doctor was surprised but not confused when he, Jack, and Rose "accidentally" bumped into what they quickly realized was an improvisational farewell party. Jaye, Sharon, and Eric caught sight of them across the trailer park and caught up just as the Doctor was stepping past the TARDIS doors.

"Captain Harkness?" Sharon asked, a bit embarrassed. "I want to apologize for earlier. If you can help Jaye become anything resembling normal I can probably forgive whatever weird 'magic' you did in my office."

"Thank you," Jack answered cautiously. But then he smiled. "If you really forgive me, how about a kiss for the road?"

"Um," Jaye said. "You know she's a lesbian, right?"

"Hey, I welcome all types." Jack proclaimed. He winked. "You too, Eric."

Jaye grabbed Eric's hand protectively, which Jack noted with a smile. He turned to Sharon again. "But, really, especially executive types. Actually, there's a new boy in my office who looks pretty damn great in a suit…"

"—And that's all we need to hear about your personal life, Jack."

"I don't mind hearing more," Rose teased. Jaye was too busy whispering to Eric to care, and Sharon even nodded. The Doctor rolled his eyes.

"Well, I was thinking I'd head back to Torchwood pretty soon—"

"Good," the Doctor murmured.

"Torchwood?" Eric whispered to Jaye.

"Um…I'll explain later."

"—but not before I get a few more trips with him." He turned to the Doctor. "We have to deliver the Mineite message at the very least."

"Fine. _One_ trip. But that's it, we go to your past, and then you're going back home."

"Sure I am." Jack smiled.

Rose practically bounced with glee. "We should be off, then!"

"It was nice meeting you," Eric said. "And I'm glad you solved the alien problem! Look, I hate to go, but I have work." He kissed his very surprised girlfriend and walked away.

"He knows about the aliens?" Jaye asked.

"Don't worry," the Doctor reassured her. "He just thinks you're harboring illegal foreigners."

"Oh." Jaye said. "That's…good, I guess."

The Doctor opened the TARDIS doors once more.

"Um. Wait," Jaye spoke up. She wasn't good with these things, but she'd probably never see these people again, so, "Thank you. Really."

"Jaye, you understand how this works?" The Doctor checked. "Any silent periods you take are only temporary—a half-hour at most. Suppressing the Mineites for too long will kill them, which is a very, very bad idea. You're responsible for keeping an entire race alive."

"Yeah, I know. 'Fate's bitch,'" she said, reciting the phrase that would bring the voices back. The cartoon koala bedecking Rose's pink shirt winked at her knowingly and she groaned. "You should probably go now."

Off Jaye's glance, Rose looked down at her shirt. "Oh. Right. Well, good luck, Jaye!" Before Jaye could stop her, Rose had pulled the other girl into a brief hug.

"Um, yeah." She turned to Sharon. "Do I have to say thank you again?"

"Jaye?" Sharon whispered. "Did she just hug you? And you haven't fainted, or hit her? And suppressing the…well, _whatever_ he said, suppressing them will _kill_ them?'"

"Uh, they were just telling me about a magic trick. With a breed of rabbits…In case I want to do magic."

Sharon considered this for a moment. "Well, it has to be a better career move than working retail. I have a wealthy client with a five-year-old who's been looking for a birthday party clown."

Remembering what Jack had told them, Rose eyed the two men and their spaceship before turning back to Jaye and her sister. "Sharon? You might not want to watch this."

"Oh, you definitely want to watch this," Jack said. "I like to make an exit."

The three travelers piled into the TARDIS as Sharon eyed the blue box suspiciously. "Is this another trick?" she asked Jaye. "That box doesn't look big enough to—"

But then she stopped as a strange sound grew in volume and the box—and the three people inside it—faded before her eyes.

Sharon stared at the space where the box had been, then turned back to Jaye.

"If you can do _that_ at a birthday party, my client will pay you double."

_Fin._


End file.
